事与愿违 (meaning tins which we wish n hw it happen often defers)

for him
i reali gif up lah aft so lng he stil affects mi
no matter wat i do i jz cant get rid of him argh!
i noe im silly i live on a drm tt wil nv cum true
i clearly noe wat i wan ` was a luv tt was wae OVER
wat im holdin on ` iz nOtin bt juz a PAST
And i noe wat i reali admire` iz da past him
definitely nt da present him coz my memories hold notin bt jz tt p.ris boy
n seems tt i dun reali noe da present him at all
` wat i was chasin aftall was a 16yr old gal luv fantasy i missed -tt was wae PASSED..

bt i tink i shld learn nt to xpect too much
coz it alwaze led to disappointment
coz iz alwaze mk mi so happi yet sad da nx moment
mayb tt's y sumtyms i dun feel lyk replyin,
or shld i sae i wish he din msg mi at all!
wat da intention of msgin wen u haf no intention to reply?
wat da hell he iz tinkin? da purpose behind it?
dis mixed feelin alwaze cums wif him n i HATE tt..
did i over-xpect? Was a reply tOo mUch to aSk for?
its lyk gifin a swt to a child n snatchin it bk aft tt!
den y did he msg in da beginin? WHY izit alwaze lyk dis?
wen u msg i dun reply..wen i msg nw u dun...
wtf aft so long it seems it atil nv endin..kaoz

perhaps noein myself well n wat i want iz gd bt nt enough yet.
u need to invest tym and effort to noe da other person well
n find out wat he wants too.
aft so lng mayb i seriously dunO him well or do i noe him at all?
i cant reali understand wat da hell his tinkin n
da reasons behind watever he do! i gif up!

fill wif doubts n qns wif a finge of sadness
u c i wish i had da ans to all dose qns tt cascade tru my mind
bt i duN.. tt's da worst part of all..i nid to banish dis horrible
person tt iz currently residin inside mi n resolve everytin
regardless of da pain it wil cause otherwise
im onli gg to cause more pain

dey sae let tym fades dose memories...
~ ya rite aft lyk 5yrs it stil here
n i alwaze tot i manage to move on damn it!

da worst part i guess iz.. i cant love neither could i forget
he means everytin to mi yet i meant notin to him sadly
sumhw deep deep dwn my heart he hold a special place
in my subconscious it saes `lovin u has no reason
missin u nid no excuses, to others u r da one to mi, u r da onli one
iz dis da force behind da persistent or stubbornness
dun ask mi i seriously no idea n hw i did tt too
hw i wish i could use dis effectively in other areas
lyk sch or durin wk den
yeah i noe he wil nv lyk mi de tt's a fact i noe all along
jz tt sae im stuipd, stubborn, silly or wat i seriously duno
prehaps wenever i tot i c a ray of hope bitsy of chance
i movtiated abit move forward end up gettin real bitten
causin mi moved afew steps bk instead
mayb i tink too highly of myself bite off more den i could chew
i shld noe in da first place sumtins r jz ot meant to be..
jz lyk rock n leaves r nv meant to b 2gether, sun n moon impossible to b seen 2gether
just lyk u n mi.. harsh fact of reality
Bt no matter wat i do
i jz cant get rid of him... he wil jz cum bk arrgh
if nt i wil start to c da lok-alike again or tins tt wil remind mi of him
sumone realised tt.. he wil tink of mi in da first half of da yr
n tt's da tym i reali heckcare him..dun wana reply or contact him
whereas i alwaze tot of him da 2nd half of da yr..
n nw his turn to heckcare mi..wth loh paybk tym izit
dun ask mi y... i myself oso duno wat he did to mk mi lidat
dun ask mi y... aft sO lOng i stil rem him
dun ask mi y... i stil rem his bdae n get him tins
dun ask mi y... i stil haven forget him
wen i alwaze tot i manage to move on
bt iz juz tt tym proven tt im alwaze bk to square aft sumtym sumhw?
it nt coincidence animore if it happens nt once nor twice bt alwaze
im jz an unlucki gal lah can all da suayness go away

Wen u noe that u haf loved someone but that they never felt the
same way does that somehow make u incapable of lovin another?

take this as a lesson lesson in life
no matter how much you sacrifice for your loved ones,
some are not as reciprocal in their sense of devotion to you.
painful lesson learnt.

why can't the lady just give him a chance?
with him, its garuanteed laughter & fun.

the one u love,shouldn't be the one that gets on ur nerves.
you may juz be an aquiantance,worse still, you may just be a passer-by in her world.
not trying to be cold water,just warning you of the impending danger.
go no more deeper, don't hurt yourself further.
Don't get yourself torn & tattered.
rocks n leaves r nv meant to b 2gether

irony dis r sum of da stuff u wrote to cheer up a fren who iz rejected
n i alwaze rem dis in mind sumhw it seems ...


i alwaze believe tt...

` There are somethings in life that no matter how hard u try,
how much effort u put in, u still need fate to do the rest of the work
`Its hard to pretend you love someone when you don't
but its harder to pretend that you don't love someone when you really do.
n to noe da truth that u can onli be frens n notin more
`i haf to play pretend all along n suppress tt feelins
treatin u jz as a fren.. u noe hw diffcult n hw i felt all dis while struggling?
torn btw right n wrong, torn btw needs n desires, torn btw frenship or luv
`If You Really Love Something Set It Free.
If It Comes Back It's Yours, If Not It Wasn't Meant To Be.
`Fate is not something meant to be forced upon.
i alwaze wantin to gif up n let go bt u kip cumin bk so i tot mayb dere iz da meant to b tingy
bt i cant help tinkin fate iz playin wif mi insteadlet mi met u
n let u turned my world upside dwn n inside out welldone!
5yrs le iz lng enuff le can set mi free im reali sick n tired le...
i waitin for forever luv...
im jz a simple gal wantin to b luved by a simply boy tt i lyk
iz tt so difficult? forever luv iz dere ani? if nt i rather dun wan anitin
dun wan dis tin to b continue animore wen dere wun b ani outcome

sumtimes all i wish iz to haf s0meone to listen
all sacarsm forbidden to hear mi shout to let out all the emotions
but words cant even xplain hw i feel wat more sae it ot
effort was put in bt i stil lost to? duno wat? tym? fate?
y wasnt i given a chance? bt death penalty instead
wonderin iz dere sumtin wrg wif a gal lyk mi? im i reali tt bad?
my emotions i cant deal wif it animore
n da wounds jz wun seems to heal
seems lyk sprinklin salt over a old wound over n over again
unconscious of da pain u did to mi, din noe u wil a slient killer
tt's u ain u cruel?